Mei Xing vs the Labyrinth
by watagashi
Summary: Earth's most insane child is now terrorizing the Underground. And Jareth doesn't seem to mind. general insanity and random crossovers. Chapter 10 is up
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Labyrinth, Jennifer Connely, or David Bowie. Rats. (Puts paper bag over her head in shame)  
  
Mei Xing: Yay! I'm so happy! ( (Jumps up and down, waving her arms above her head.) Story story story story story story story story story story story story-  
  
Sarah: Shut up! You're worse that Toby! (Wrestles her into bed) If you don't shut up, I'll call the Goblin King!  
  
Mei Xing: You told me that story last time. You won't call him. Lighten up, baby-sitter girl!  
  
Sarah: Don't call me baby-sitter girl! My name is Sarah. Get it right!  
  
Mei Xing: Can I call you Ne-ne? (Big big puppy eyes)  
  
Sarah: No. Call me Sarah or nothing at all.  
  
Mei Xing: Okay, Nothing-at-all. (Laughing)  
  
Sarah: Will you stop?! Come on, I had a bad day, and I don't feel like arguing with you!  
  
Mei Xing: Then Don't.  
  
Sarah: Will you stop it? I'll say the words.  
  
Mie Xing: You will not.  
  
Sarah: Will too.  
  
Mei Xing: Will not.  
  
Sarah: Oh, this is stupid! I wish the goblin king would come and take you away right now!  
  
(In seconds, the lights go out, Mei Xing disappears, and Jareth rolls his eyes at Sarah) Jareth: Again? I suppose you didn't mean it with this one either?  
  
Sarah: Oh, I meant it. You can keep her. I'm not risking my neck for her. She can turn into a goblin for all I care.  
  
Jareth: (raised eyebrows) That bad? And what makes you think I'll take her?  
  
Sarah: Breeding?  
  
Jareth: Sarah! That's disgusting! What is she, twelve?  
  
Sarah: Fourteen.  
  
Jareth: Big difference.  
  
Sarah: Anyway, she's yours. I'm not going through that Labyrinth to save her bratty hide! (Jareth gives her the Bambi eyes, but she fails to notice. He glares and throws a snake into the room before going back to his little goblin kingdom.)  
  
Mei Xing: (falling from the sky into the Labyrinth) Owch! That's coming out of your paycheck, baby-sitter girl! I hate baby-sitters. (looks around and notices the eye lichen staring at her) Stop staring at me! (They all turn away) Well, as long as I'm here, I can find a way to leave a pretty corpse.  
  
Jareth: Don't be so dramatic. Follow me, we're going to the castle.  
  
Mei Xing: Hey, you're sexy!  
  
Jareth: Oh, please. (looks around) But thank you.  
  
Mei Xing: What's your name?  
  
Jareth: Jareth.  
  
Mei Xing: I'm Naomi!  
  
Jareth: You are not! Now be quiet and follow me. Mei Xing: Kay. (Follows Jareth as he leads her around the labyrinth. Eventually, he gets bored)  
  
Jareth: I said quiet, not silent.  
  
Mei Xing: Ha! You talked first!  
  
Jareth: It's not like it was a contest.  
  
Mei Xing: That's what you think, sexy!  
  
Jareth: Don't call me sexy! (looks around) But thank you.  
  
Mei Xing: Can I call you Bishonen?  
  
Jareth: Um.no.  
  
Mei Xing: Awwww...(They come to two doorways, one marked, "Danger", the other marked, "Deep shit." Jareth opens the door marked, "Deep shit," and goes inside. Mei Xing follows, and realizes that it was not deep shit, but a big blue portal. Jareth looks over at her.)  
  
Jareth: Go on. Say it.  
  
Mei Xing: Big blue swirly thing! Big blue swirly thing! (does a little dance of glee)  
  
Jareth: It's a portal. Hold my hand so you don't egt lost.  
  
Mei Xing: We get to hold hands! Yay!  
  
Jareth: You don't shut up, do you? ( Grabs her hand and drags her into the portal. A whole bunch of neon blue lights fly past. Mei Xing gets distracted and lets go of Jareth's hand. She falls off one way while he continues on in another direction.) 


	2. A visit to Middle Earth

Disclaimer: I do not own Labyrinth. Or Lord of the Rings. I only own my toes_  
  
(Mei Xing appears in a big field with flowers and stuff.)  
  
Mei Xing: Hey! Where'd that sexy baby-sitter go?  
  
Legolas: Why would anyone want to sit babies?  
  
Mei Xing: Good God! (Waits for heartbeat to return to normal.) You scared me! Naughty elf-boy!  
  
Legolas: Uh.what?  
  
Mei Xing: Never mind.  
  
Legolas: What's your name?  
  
Mei Xing: Alice.  
  
Legolas: Really?  
  
Mei Xing: No.  
  
Legolas: Okay. (Mei Xing pokes his ear) Hey! (Twitches) don't do that!  
  
Mei Xing: Why not? (Pokes his ear again. He shudders and moans.)  
  
Legolas: Nevermind, don't stop.  
  
Mei Xing: Oh my god, you perv! (pushes him away)  
  
Legolas: Had a feeling that would make you stop.  
  
Mei Xing: Well, that's just wonderful! (looks around) Have you seen a sexy Goblin King with a leather coat and really tight pants?  
  
Legolas: Not that I'm looking (shifty eyes) But yes. (leans back as though he has just told a great secret.)  
  
Mei Xing: And? Where?  
  
Legolas: I don't know. It was ten years ago.  
  
Mei Xing: Idiot! I meant recently!  
  
Legolas: Oh. (Looks up) Hey! I just saw one!  
  
Mei Xing: Where?  
  
Legolas: Over there. (points)  
  
Jareth: Stupid kid. I told you you'd get lost.  
  
Mei Xing: I made a friend! (pokes Legolas' ear. He shudders and moans)  
  
Jareth: (eyes widen) Don't do that!  
  
Legolas: Whyever not? (Concentrates on making a halo over his head.)  
  
Jareth: It makes you horny, and you know it!  
  
Legolas: (Cheesy grin.) Yeah.  
  
Mei Xing: If I'm not careful, I may not get out a virgin. (The males look at her)  
  
Jareth: Don't you mean Alive?  
  
Mei Xing: Did I say alive?  
  
Jareth: *cough* Anyway, Mei Xing, time to come back to the castle.  
  
Legolas: Can I come? I wanna come! Let me come!  
  
Jareth: (rolls eyes) Okay, fine, you can come.  
  
Legolas: Yay! (Does a little dance of glee, then stops abrubtly) What?  
  
Mei Xing: You're just a little bit special, aren't you?  
  
Legolas: Yes! What?  
  
Jareth: (rolls eyes) How many kids am I going to have to baby-sit?  
  
Mei Xing; That's up to you, sexy!  
  
Jareth: My name's not sexy! (covers Legolas' ears, causing Legolas to blush deeply) But thank you.  
  
Legolas: (Swatting him away) Will everyone stop touching my ears?! (looks at Mei Xing) Except maybe you.  
  
Jareth: Hey! You lay off her!  
  
Mei Xing: Aw, you cared.  
  
Jareth: (Eyes widen) Wha-wha-Idonot!  
  
Mei Xing: So I still can't call you sexy?  
  
Jareth: No. Call me Jareth.  
  
Mei Xing: (to Legolas) Can I call you elf-boy?  
  
Legolas: (cheesy grin) You can call me-  
  
Jareth: Hold it right there!  
  
Mei Xing: Naughty elf-boy! No sexual inuendo!  
  
Legolas: Aww.(Jareth rolls his eyes and takes Mei Xing's hand. She takes Legolas' hand, and the three of them are teleported to Jareth's castle, where goblins are scattered about, doing random things.) 


	3. Idiots in the Ubliettepressing business

Disclaimer: Hi. Uh..yeah. I was going to say that I owned something, but someone took it away from me. I own nothing, least of all Labyrinth and Lord of the rings. By the way, I probably won't be using the LOTR characters for a while. Cept for Frodo an elf-boy. (shy grin) (  
  
Author: To any of you who have made it to chapter three, thank you! Thank you especially, Allison (and Galena). And now, without further ado.  
  
(Our trio is now inside Jareth's castle of goblins and glitter and fuzzy socks)  
  
Mei Xing: Oooooooo  
  
Jareth: Impressed?  
  
Mei Xing: No.  
  
Jareth: (shrugs) What about you? (turns to Legolas)  
  
Legolas: Of course N-yeah.  
  
Random goblin: We have a problem, your highness.  
  
Jareth: What is it?  
  
Goblin: Some idiots from another dimension fell into the Ubliette.  
  
Jareth: Oh? It's alright, just leave them there.  
  
Goblin: They possess strong magical powers.  
  
Jareth: Oh.  
  
Goblin: What do we do?  
  
Jareth: Alright, I'll go. How long have they been there? (picks up a crystal ball)  
  
Goblin: Three days.  
  
Jareth: What?! (drops the crystal. It shatters into a million shards. The shards turn into pink bunnies and hop away) Why didn't you tell me before?  
  
Goblin: (shrugs) I don't know.  
  
Mei Xing: Can I come, huh? Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I?  
  
Jareth: If you shut up!  
  
Mei Xing: Yay! (Does a little dance of glee)  
  
Legolas: Can I come too?  
  
Jareth: No.  
  
Legolas: Why not? (Concentrates all of his energy into forming a halo over his head)  
  
Jareth: Because I hate you.  
  
Legolas: Why?  
  
Jareth: I just do, so be quiet! Do you want to come or not?  
  
Legolas: Yay! What? (Jareth slaps a hand to his forehead)  
  
Goblin: Sir.  
  
Jareth: I'm going, I'm going. (They all appear inside the Ubliette, with chains and cobwebs and stuff) 


	4. a visit from MiddleEarth

Disclaimer: I don't own Labyrinth, Lord of the Rings, Inu Yasha, Ya-da, Ya- da, Ya-da.  
  
Watagashi: Thank you, Disclaimer, that was lovely and sarcastic.  
  
Disclaimer: Anytime.  
  
Watagashi: Ahem. I would like to apologize. I meant to include this chapter in the last chapter, but for several reasons *cough, flying midgets,* I decided to split it into two chapters. That is why the disclaimer for chapter 3 is just a little bit confusing. That is also why I have to have a huge LOTR leakage in this chapter. Now if I may continu- ack! (a flying midget crashes into Watagashi, and a struggle ensues)  
  
(our trio is now inside the Ubliette, after the notification that idiots from another dimension had ended up there.)  
  
Mei Xing: Oooooooooooo  
  
Jareth: Now you're impressed?  
  
Mei Xing: No.  
  
Sam: Back, you devils!  
  
Hoggle: (rolls eyes) Next time, I think you should watch the hobbits, My Lord.  
  
Pippin: (throws a rock at Hoggle) That's not nice!  
  
Hoggle: Neither are you.  
  
Gandalf: Who are you? I demand that you free us immediately!  
  
Jareth: Keep your pants on. (looks down) Put your pants on. (Gandalf sniffs in disdain) Anyway, what are you doing here?  
  
Gandalf: We fell from the bridge of Kazad Dun and found ourselves in this chamber, enduring threats from this disgrace to dwarves!  
  
Hoggle: Hey! (shakes his head and walks out)  
  
Pippin: (throws a rock at Jareth) It's true!  
  
Jareth: (ignoring the rock) I see. What magical powers do you posses?  
  
(Everyone turns to look at Frodo. Frodo's eye twitches)  
  
Frodo: Uh.well.um.  
  
Jareth: Spit it out.  
  
Frodo; Well.(takes out the one ring)  
  
Mei Xing: Shiny shiny!  
  
Jareth: (rolls eyes) What about it?  
  
Frodo: It's powerful  
  
Mei Xing: It's pretty!  
  
Jareth: What does it do?  
  
Frodo; Um.(looks lost)  
  
Gandalf: It can turn you invisible, it can alert the dark lord to your presence, it gives you unnatural long life, and it drives you insane.  
  
Mei Xing: That's it? I can do that!  
  
Gandalf: But it's shiny.  
  
Jareth: (rolls eyes) Right. (picks up Frodo and starts to leave)  
  
Pippin: (throws a rock at Jareth) Put him down!  
  
Frodo: Yeah, put me down.(Legolas snickers)  
  
Gandalf: Did you just snicker?  
  
Legolas: Of course not. Elves don't snicker.  
  
Gandalf: Do I know you? (raises eyebrow)  
  
Legolas: (aquires a southern accent) No, sir. Indeed we have never met before.  
  
Pippin: (throws a rock at Legolas) You liar!  
  
Sam: Where are you taking Mr. Frodo?!  
  
Jareth: To my castle in the center of the Labyrinth.  
  
Gandalf: Why?  
  
Jareth: If I can keep him there for 13 hours, he'll become one of my goblin minions.  
  
Frodo: I don't wanna.  
  
Pippin: (throws a rock at Jareth) Yeah! He don't wanna!  
  
Jareth: (narrowly misses getting hit in the no-no zone) That's the last rock you throw in this dimension! (picks up Pipin and gives him a wedgie before throwing him down a well.)  
  
Frodo: You killed Pippin!  
  
Mei Xing: Naw. That well leads to feudal Japan. Sessomaru will kill him.  
  
Gandalf: Oh. Well, that's okay then.  
  
(Jareth, Mei Xing, Legolas, and Frodo all appear back in the castle, which is covered with whipped cream and chocolate chips) 


	5. Vandalism! And a very naughty elf boy

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize!  
  
Author: you sure?  
  
Disclaimer: Yes.  
  
Author: Okay, then. I would like to say.(eyes the disclaimer as she executes a very sexual interperative dance to go along with the Teletubbies theme song) ahem I would like to say that this next chapter is just a teensy bit disturbing, and that I'm trying my very hardest to get away from LOTR, but it's really hard to, because that's all they ever talk about! (smiles brightly) but that's okay, because if no one reviews me, I won't continue, so it won't matter anyway. (throws herself into the most pathetic position imaginable) Pleaseopleaseopleaseoplease don't let that happen! Make any suggestions or flames you want if it's not good enough, but I really want this to work! Review!!!!!!!! (runs away sobbing, but comes back a second later to write the story)  
  
Warning: Oh, uh.there may be a little too many sex jokes.and a bedroom scene.but nothing graphic, or descriptive. (grin. O.~)  
  
(our trio has returned to the castle, which is covered with whipped crème and chocolate chips.)  
  
Jareth: My chambers! (runs away to check his chambers)  
  
Mei Xing: SUGAR! (starts to eat up the chocolate crème)  
  
Frodo: I'm not aloud to have sugar. (looks around) Ah, screw it. (Starts pigging out)  
  
Legolas: I'm bored.  
  
Mei Xing: (Pokes Legolas' ear) Help us clean up!  
  
Legolas: (shudders and whimpers) No, I think I'll wander off and do lord knows what. (runs away)  
  
Jareth: (Stumbling out of his room) Good god! Does torture know any bounds?!  
  
Mei Xing: (wanders into Jareth's room) Oooooooooo. (looks around at the crème, chocolate, sprinkles, cherries, shattered crystal balls, pantyhose, teddy bears, shake n' bake, toilet paper, rubber chickens, blood, clown noses, and other strange things) Now I'm impressed! (dashes off laughing)  
  
Frodo: (wanders in. eyes widen) I didn't know you could do that with a Care Bear! (sees the blood and passes out)  
  
Jareth: They ruined it! I don't believe this!  
  
Legolas: (looking over Jareth's shoulder) Neither do I. Elmo doesn't bend that way.  
  
Mei Xing: The only room they didn't touch was the guest room. The door sign worked!  
  
Legolas: Door sign? (looks confused)  
  
Frodo: I get the bed!  
  
Jareth: You do not! (an argument breaks out until everyone is satisfied. Jareth sulks)  
  
Mei Xing: I'm sorry your castle was vandalized, Jareth. (jareth smiles gratefully)  
  
Legolas: (grins and wolf-whistles) Jareth and Mei Xing sitting in a tree. F- U-C-K-  
  
Jareth: Shut up!  
  
Mei Xing: Naughty elf-boy! (turns to the audience) Originally, we had Legolas run around in a pink tu-tu screaming, "I AM A PRETTY LADY!" But for several reasons, we changed our minds.  
  
Frodo: * cough * Come, Lego-man, let's see what the pickle is doing.  
  
Legolas: OKAY! (turns to Mei Xing) You want to come?  
  
Jareth: She has other pickles to look at! (turns a violent shade of magenta) er, I mean.  
  
Mei Xing: Good grief! (makes sure the others aren't listening) You mean it?  
  
Jareth: No.  
  
Mei Xing: You're no fun.  
  
(Eventually, the four of them go to sleep in the guest room. The next morning.)  
  
Jareth: (Rolls unceremoniously off of the bed) Uhhhhh... (gets up and goes over to the mirror, where he is shocked by how much he resembles a drunken Bishonen. He frowns and looks down, realizing that he is wearing significantly less than he was wearing upon going to sleep (and considering he only sleeps in European-imported boxers.)) Oh, my!  
  
Legolas: Groan.. (stumbles into the bathroom. He and Jareth notice each other, and their eyes widen) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Jareth: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Frodo: (Also walks into the bathroom) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-(passes out)  
  
Mei Xing: (from outside) Oh, you're awake. Are you dressed yet? I need to talk to you about making strange noises in the middle of the night!  
  
The three unfortunate hot guys: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! WRONG!  
  
Mei Xing: You're telling me.  
  
Author: And now, I will end it there! Whether or not I continue is up to you! The level of sex may change depending upon your reviews, and I promise to introduce a new character into the story! I may also find some way to get Legolas and Frodo out of the picture, if you so desire. But you have to tell Watagashi what to say, or Watagashi will say nothing at all! (walks away huffily, but falls over and has to leave in a very undignified manner) 


	6. Now that's a funky chicken

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, you know the shbeel. (pause, checks the script) Shbeel. Shbeel. What the hell is a shbeel?! (Looks up at the audience and grins) Well, I don't own Labyrinth, or LOTR, which I am trying to get away from. I got very close to owning both David Bowie and Orlando Bloom, but I got distracted by Ryan Seacrest's hair and let them get away. Rats. (hangs head in shame and stumbles away.)  
  
Author: (looking after Disclaimer) Right. Now, I would like to say a few words before I begin. Sadly, I have forgotten what they are. Any words I forget to say up here will probably be at the end of the fic, so bear that in mind before you flame me. Not that I'm apposed to flames...(wanders away, muttering, and completely ignoring the strange man beating her with a rubber chicken.)  
  
Jareth: (Walks down the stairs with a very pissed off look on his face.) This is why I am not a morning person. (Thunks into a chair )  
  
Mei Xing: (with a smile to cause cavities) Aw, but you looked so cute with a little drool coming out of your mouth and your arm wrapped around- ( Jareth waists no time in turning her into a chicken. Frodo walks in, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes)  
  
Frodo: Why is there a chicken in my cereal bowl?  
  
Legolas: (bounding in after Frodo, almost knocking him into the cereal) Just to let everyone know, there's some girl outside claiming to know Mr. I- own-my-own-castle-so-I-can-be-a-tightass-whenever-I-want-to over here.  
  
Jareth: My name is Jareth! (turns Legolas into a chicken)  
  
Frodo: Not a morning person, are we? (Jareth glares at him, causing him to shut up immediately.)  
  
Jareth: No. (picks up the chicken that is Mei Xing and walks over to the window. Frodo follows him, and they both see Sarah standing in the courtyard)  
  
Jareth: What do you want?  
  
Sarah: I want that girl back. Her parents said that they wouldn't pay me unless I brought her back to them.  
  
Jareth: So?  
  
Sarah: So give her back.  
  
Jareth: (Hands tightening protectively around Chicken Mei Xing) No.  
  
Sarah: Why not?  
  
Jareth: Because.  
  
Sarah: Because why?  
  
Jareth: Um.. ( looks down at Frodo, who has started chanting, "I want some kung pow chicken.") I ate her.  
  
Sarah: What! Why would you do a thing like that?  
  
Jareth: I don't know.  
  
Sarah: Oh. Okay, then. (wanders away)  
  
Jareth: (makes sure that Sarah is gone) Thank goodness!  
  
Frodo: Why did you tell her you ate Mei Xing?  
  
Jareth: I felt like it. (looks down at Chicken Mei Xing) actually, that doesn't sound like a bad idea.  
  
Frodo: You can't eat Mei Xing! She's a girl!  
  
Jareth: Oh. Where's that elf guy, then? (Frodo only looks at him in a horrified way. Jareth shrugs and walks back into the main audience hall.)  
  
Random goblin: (stumbling in abruptly) Your highness! Your-( stops when he sees all of the mess) What the heck happened here? Is that a chicken your patting?  
  
Jareth: No, you fool, she's a fourteen-year-old girl. Now why are you here?  
  
Goblin: to tell you that it's time for the goblins to come in and scatter about, doing random things, so that we may seem gruesome and barbaric when the camera sweeps by for the movie.  
  
Jareth: Oh. Right. Whatever. While you're at it, why don't you clean up this mess? I'm not going to sleep in the guest room with that again.  
  
Goblin: (gives him a confused look, but knows better than to argue) Right away, sir.  
  
Frodo: (wanders in, shoving chicken Legolas infront of him.) hey, it's been 13 hours, and I'm still not one of your goblin minions!  
  
Jareth: Of course not. No one came to rescue you.  
  
Frodo: Well, don't rub it in. ( the next thing you know, a person falls out of a portal that randomly opened from the ceiling. The person lands in front of Jareth, causing Frodo to faint in shock. The person straightens up and looks from Jareth to Frodo, and back to Jareth)  
  
person: does he do that a lot, or was it just me?  
  
Jareth: I don't know. With that guy, it's hard to tell.  
  
Author: I know, I know, it really really sucks. But I had no idea what to write, because nobody gave me any suggestions just before I came down with a severe case of writer's block. If any of you readers can help me, please do. In any case, I thought it would be funny to have part of my cast turn into chickens, and I had Sarah show up because I wanted to display Jareth's budding affection for Mei Xing. (awwww -_-) But I need you to decide about the new character that just arrived! Girl or boy? Sexy or Goofy? Lame or bad-ass? It's up to you! In the meantime, I'm going to update some of my other ficcies. (hops away to the Gundam Wing/AC section, but bonks into the disclaimer, who shoos her back to her algebra homework.) Rats. (falls over and dies, but comes back to life to write more) 


	7. ermyeah The AntiJareth

Disclaimer: So what if I don't own Labyrinth?! So what if I don't own LOTR?! So what if I don't own Inu Yasha?! I just graduated, and I feel proud of myself anyway. (Struts off huffily)  
  
Author: I graduated too. Anyway, Hi! How are you? Sit down, I'll make you some coffee (I really will make you coffee, but you're not here, and I can't send it through the internet (Not that I haven't tried)). We're back for another chapter, supported by my wonderful reviewers, Galena and WaterFae (applause, applause, applause) Your suggestions were awesome. I would also like to say that My writer's block is due to the millions of stories I'm currently in the proccess of writing (not all of which are posted on fanfiction.net) Let's see.about eleven stories, maybe more(What will I be when I grow up? I wonder if there's a special graveyard for writers?) Anyways, enjoy my ickle ficcie!  
  
(Another person that looks shockingly like Jareth has just entered from another dimension)  
  
Jareth: (Petting Chicken Mei Xing) Who the hell are you?  
  
Anti-Jareth: I am the Anti-Jareth.  
  
Jareth: Really? (looks him up and down) You're not what I expected.  
  
Anti-Jareth: No, I'm the opposite.  
  
Jareth: That makes sense. I didn't expect it to.  
  
Anti-Jareth: Why not? You don't expect me to make sense because you think you make sense, when in fact, you don't.  
  
Jareth: That didn't make sense.  
  
Anti-Jareth: (Suddenly turns Mei Xing into a chinchilla) Bet you weren't expecting that.  
  
Frodo: (scooting towards the door) I think I'll just go find somebody to make the scary man go away. (runs off)  
  
Jareth: you didn't stop him?  
  
Anti-Jareth: You expected me to.  
  
Frodo: (Coming back, pushing a demon-lord in front of him) Hey, look! I found some one! All by myself!  
  
Simon: (the demon lord) Hey! Easy on the cape!  
  
Anti-Jareth and Jareth simultaneously: Who the hell are you?  
  
Simon: Uhhhhhhhhhhh.......I'll have to get back to you on that.  
  
J+AJ: How come you said the same thing as me? Oh, opposites, right. Hey, stop that! Cut it out!  
  
Anti-Jareth: Fine, be that way.  
  
Frodo: See? They're freaking me out.  
  
Simon: No-problamo, little man. (Spins Anti-Jareth back into the anti- dimension he came from)  
  
Jareth: Now, to turn Mei Xing back into a human. (Does) I never liked chinchillas.  
  
(Some where in feudal Japan, a certain furry-footed midget chases a certain anime demon across the wasteland)  
  
Simon: (to Mei Xing) What was it like being a chinchilla?  
  
Mei Xing: It was better than being a chicken. Because being a chicken you know you came from an egg, but where did the egg come from?  
  
Simon: I see.  
  
Mei Xing; (turns to Simon as though noticing him for the first time) Hello! Who are you?  
  
Simon: That's de-uhhhhhhh....hmm. I'll get back to you on that.  
  
Mei Xing: You're sexy.  
  
Jareth: I though I was sexy! (glares at Frodo and Simon, who are pretending not to listen)  
  
Mei Xing: But you are!  
  
Legolas: (suddenly turning back into an elf for no apparent reason) I feel as though somewhere in feudal Japan, a certain anime demon is bludgening a certain furry-footed midget with a rock.  
  
Simon: Can I go home now?  
  
Mei Xing: No you can't Mr. Man! (Pokes him in the arm)  
  
Simon: (Slapping a hand over the place where Mei Xing poked him) I've been branded!  
  
Jareth: Er.yes, yes, very nice, now why don't you go and fly off to your little home, Simon.  
  
Simon: I can't fly. But I have a submarine.  
  
Mei Xing: Don't leave! I'm starting to like you!  
  
Jareth: Hey!  
  
Mei Xing: Don't worry, Jareth darling. You know I love you best.  
  
Jareth: Really?  
  
Mei Xing: Probably not, but hey, who cares?  
  
Frodo: If no one needs me, I'd like to go back to my dimension now.  
  
Legolas: What?  
  
Mei Xing: Why?  
  
Frodo: Well, I just don't know if the author is ready for five characters. After all, she didn't manage it so well in this chapter. Legolas hardly spoke at all, and she couldn't find a decent way for him to stop being a chicken. Besides, this Simon guy needs his character to flourish, and I've been kind of a mellow character lately. Plus, the author wants to do her special movie farewell. Why don't I leave?  
  
Simon: I could leave.  
  
Legolas: Or I could leave.  
  
Mei Xing: Or I could leave and end the whole fic. Wouldn't that be tragic?  
  
Jareth: Snoreeeeeeeee(sleeping)  
  
Author: I know.I know.Sucks. But I really really need the support of you readers! I can write more, I swear! I just need some suggestions about what to write, what you like and don't like. Now, if you don't review and tell me who should leave (or if anyone should leave) Then everybody will leave, including me. I don't mean to be rude or nothing, but it's the way it's gotta be. Eh....Ja ne. (runs off to help Sessomaru deal with Pippin. The Disclaimer tries to drag her back, but hog grease really really does the trick) 


	8. Took me long enough!

Disclaimer: Bwahahahahahahaha! I don't own anything, but I'm still writing this fic, and you can't stop me! (Go on, just try! I dare you!)  
  
Author: Eh. you're weird. So, anyway, this is the next chapter, and it may very well be the last. No one seems to love me anymore. (goes off into her little corner)  
  
Frodo: And now, dear friends. I must leave you.  
  
(Romantic tragedy music comes up out of no where for dramatic effect.)  
  
Legolas: I can't believe that you're leaving me! (sob) Isn't there any other way?!  
  
Frodo: No, my darling, I must leave you forever!  
  
Legolas: (still dramatic) Fine then! Just. be that way! (runs away sobbing into what looks like a handkerchief)  
  
Jareth: Goodbye, kid. And good luck. (walks away into the sunset like an old western movie)  
  
Frodo: And now, I must leave you.  
  
Mei Xing: I don't care what happens to you out there, but to me, you will always be. Wanona, Queen of the Sheep Sisters!  
  
Frodo: (drops the drama for confusion) What?  
  
Mei Xing: (still dramatic) I don't know.  
  
(the dramatic music comes up again as Frodo gets on the train, waving a handkerchief at them all. Sessomaru chases Pippin in front of the train, and accidentally squashes him. Now, Sessomaru has nothing to do, and has to wander off with his little demon thoughts)  
  
Simon: What was that all about?  
  
Jareth: Not a clue.  
  
(suddenly, a big ball of light appears and two people fall out of the sky, crushing Simon to his death)  
  
Yugi: Yu-Gi-Oh!  
  
Tea: Yu-Gi-Oh-God-Make-It-Stop!  
  
(Yugi is a red-eyed midget with way too much hair gel and eyes like croquet hoops. Tea is an annoying girl who follows him around everywhere)  
  
Mei Xing: Good God, who are you?!  
  
Yugi: You must trust in the heart of the cards!  
  
Legolas: The Wha-wha-wha?  
  
Tea: Don't worry, you'll catch on. He yaks on and on about it in every other episode.  
  
Yugi: Yu-Gi-OH! (transforms into Yami)  
  
Jareth: Did you all see that?  
  
Mei Xing: See what?  
  
Jareth: There was a flash of light, and the kid grew two feet higher and changed his eyes and hair! Don't tell me you didn't see that!  
  
Legolas: Are you okay? Do you have a fever?  
  
Yami: Let's play a game.  
  
Jareth: His voice got deeper too! Don't tell me you didn't notice!  
  
Mei Xing: How many fingers am I holding up?  
  
Jareth: Ummmm. eight?  
  
Mei Xing: No, it's two! He's delirious!  
  
Yami: But you did hold up eight of your fingers.  
  
Mei Xing: Well, yes, but that's not the point! Operation!  
  
Legolas: Operation!  
  
Tea: Operation!  
  
Yami: Have you all gone insane?  
  
Mei Xing: Yes, but that was a long time ago and it hardly matters now. To the Operating Room!  
  
Legolas: To the Operating Room!  
  
Tea: To the Operating Room!  
  
(The three of them grab a very confused Jareth and run off to the formerly nonexistent Operating Room, followed by a very confused but oddly intrigued Yugi)  
  
Author: Hmm, what might happen there, I wonder? If you want to find out, Impish Pixie, you had better review again! (I promise it'll be twisted) 


	9. naughty operation

Disclaimer: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! People still love me! I am still Loved! And I still don't own anything, but that's not the point!  
  
Author: Yeah. it is the point. That's why you're there. Anyway, I thought I would a little chappie for y'all, so here it is. (nice inuendo for you, Impish Pixie)  
  
Mei Xing: Is he strapped down tight?  
  
Legolas: Well, in my experience. (trails off with a rather frightening grin on his face)  
  
Tea: Extra tight O.~  
  
Jareth: Of all the injustice! I demand you let me go right now! I'm warning you!  
  
Yami: This is a good game.  
  
Tea: Dr. Yami, proceed with the operation. *giggles*  
  
Legolas: Oh, are we a naughty nurse? (grin) Time for your spanking!  
  
Tea: Of, course, Doctor. (They are about to go off and do lord knows what when Sessomaru crashes through the wall with Winters practically riding his back. He runs over Tea, who shrieks like a mad chipmunk before dashing away. Legolas shrugs and wanders off)  
  
Mei Xing: I wanna soda. Cookies!!!!! (scampers off to find the cookies, Sessomaru chasing after her.)  
  
Yami: Okay, Let's begin with the operation, shall we? (evil wink) Sorry, no pain killers.  
  
Jareth: What the hell are you talking about? Let me go!  
  
Yami: (inching closer with a malicious grin) Don't worry. I'll be nice and gentle.  
  
Jareth: H-hey, wh-what are you doing with th-those? They l-look sharp!  
  
Yami: It'll all be over before you're done screaming.  
  
Jareth: What the hell do you think you're-Get away from me!!!!! You can't!  
  
Yami: Oh? And why not?  
  
Jareth: Because. (Mei Xing comes back with an armful of cookies) Because I love Mei Xing!  
  
Mei Xing: You love me?! YAYAY! (Pounces on top of Jareth, knocking the air out of him.)  
  
Yami: Damn.  
  
(Sessomaru runs after Winters, who is spinning Tea over her head and babbling on about falling off a cliff)  
  
Jareth: Okay, yeah, yeah I love you, now UNTIE ME!  
  
Mei Xing: And all this time I thought you were going to kill me! Hey, ELF- BOY! JAREY LOVES ME!  
  
Legolas: (poking his head around the corner) Jareth loves you? There go my plans for the weekend.  
  
Yami: I know exactly what you mean.  
  
Mei Xing: We can go on fishing trips, and visit Japan, and use the car pool lane, and when we get married. we can murder Osama together.  
  
Jareth: All right, look. Before anyone says anything else, I'd like to make a little speech. GO AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Author: So, that's my chappie, let me know what you think. Next chapter: CANDY AND TOYS! 


	10. CANDY AND TOYS!

Disclaimer: Hello reader! I have a nice chappie for you! You want it? You want it? Okay, then-go get it! Got get it! That's a good little reader!  
  
Author: Stop treating the readers like dogs and DO YOUR JOB!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Fine! I don't own any of the characters except for Mei Xing and Pagoda! Are you happy now!?  
  
(Jareth (untied) is beating his head against the wall while Mei Xing hugs him and babbles on about their wonderful life together)  
  
Mei Xing: And we can have a house, and a car and a kitty, and every summer we can go to Canada and mess with their minds by saying obnoxious phrases in Japanese.  
  
Jareth: Has it occurred to you that I really really feel like dying right now?  
  
Mei Xing: (scratching her head in thought) No.  
  
Jareth: Well, I really really feel like dying right now.  
  
Mei Xing: Oh. Well, I suppose we could do that too. but I'll have to put it on the bottom of the to-do list for now. We can go roller-blading, and you can teach me to ski, and we can play hackysack.  
  
Legolas: Does this mean you won't go out with me?  
  
Mei Xing: Yes. Yes it does.  
  
Legolas: Aww.  
  
Winters: I'll go out with you!  
  
Legolas: Ah! Who the heck are you!?  
  
Winters: I am Winters, the psychotic fangirl. Will you go out with me? I promise I'll be good!  
  
Legolas: Well, I've got nothing better to do.  
  
Winters: Yay!  
  
Sessomaru: What about me?  
  
Winters: Oh, I'll deal with you in another section! (Shoves him back to the Inu-Yasha fics) Now, where were we?  
  
Pagoda: Pagoda, pagoooda.  
  
(Pagoda is a little girl of about age five who says only one word and likes to shift through reality levels)  
  
Jareth: Who the heck are you?  
  
Pagoda: Pagoda.  
  
Jareth: Oh. Okay then.  
  
Pagoda: (reaches into her coat and pulls out a letter in an envelope) Pagoda?  
  
Mei Xing: It's addressed to me!  
  
( The letter: Dear strange people:  
  
I am a random guy who has magical powers and decided to grant you one wish for no apparent reason. Just shout out your wish, and it will come true)  
  
Winters: (bad acting mode) Oh-my-gosh-isn't-it-lucky-that-this-letter-just- happened-to-fall-into-your-hands-at-just-the-right-moment?)  
  
Mei Xing: Yay! (Pretends to think) CANDY AND TOOOOOOOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(She holds her arms up in the air for several minutes. After a while, the others get bored and decide that nothing is going to happen.)  
  
Legolas: He must not like you any more.  
  
Jareth: Can I go home now?  
  
Winters: I want to go to the bedroom.  
  
Pagoda: Pagoda.  
  
Mei Xing: No, it's coming! I can feel it! It's on its way! Come on, wish!  
  
Jareth: I'm done. (Starts to walk away when a virtual mountain of candy and toys fall on top of him)  
  
Everybody except Jareth and Pagoda: YAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!  
  
Pagoda: PAGODA!  
  
(Everybody frolics around in the candy and toys, throwing them up into the air, playing childish games, finding out why egg beaters count as a toy, and paying no attention to Jareth, who is sitting sulkily at the bottom of the heap and trying to get marshmallow fluff out of his hair.)  
  
Mei Xing: Frolic, frolic, frolic like a monkey!  
  
Winters: Yay! Balloons!  
  
Legolas: What does a balloon remind you of?  
  
Winters: I'd say it, but I don't know who'd hear me.  
  
(They wander off to do the Disclaimer knows what)  
  
Jareth: (As more candy falls on him) Reese Pieces. Terrific.  
  
Mei Xing: (Throwing them up into the air) Gummy bears, gummy bears! SPRINKLES! SPRINKLES! (does a little dance of glee)  
  
Pagoda: Pagoda! (Picks up a Barbie doll and blissfully rips it apart before moving on to the Tickle-Me-Elmo)  
  
Jareth: Why are you torturing Elmo?  
  
Pagoda: Pagoda!  
  
Jareth: You're right! He did take over for Big Bird! Hey, give me one of those! (joins in ripping apart poor Elmo)  
  
Mei Xing: Uh, Jarey? Arms aren't meant to bend that way. (eyes widen as a very strange object flies over her head) Just in case you were wondering.  
  
Random people: Yay! Candy and toys! (For no apparent reason, they start playing in the heap as well. There is much fun-fun-fun-insanity-Yay! For a long, long time)  
  
(the next morning)  
  
Mei Xing: Oh LADY!!!  
  
Jareth: Ughhhhhh..  
  
Pagoda: Pagoda..  
  
(Winters and Legolas come stumbling out of the pillows)  
  
Legolas: We should do that again sometime!  
  
Winters: But not for the next nine months or so.  
  
Legolas: You're PREGNANT?!  
  
Winters: No, I just wanted to scare you.  
  
Mei Xing: (waving her arms over her head) Who else here is sugar- high?!! WHOOO HOOO! I BELIEVE I CAN FLYYYYYYY!  
  
Jareth: I don't know what I see in you. Good god, look at my trousers!  
  
Pagoda: Pagoda..  
  
Jareth: You're right, we should've used whipped crème.  
  
(somewhere back on Earth)  
  
Druggie Ranter: None of this is real, man! It's all an illusion, man! And if you try to wake up, you'll just be in another dream! The dream is the reality, man! But we can break the cycle! We can break the cycle if we believe! Believe in the god of merriment! We can escape, man, we can be free! Be free! I can fly, dude! I can FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!  
  
(Okay, back to the Labyrinth)  
  
Mei Xing: Gasp! I just realized.  
  
Jareth: What?  
  
Mei Xing: This can be my bachelorette party!  
  
Jareth: Listen, we can't get married until you're older.  
  
Mei Xing: Aww, but you're sexy now!  
  
Jareth: I am not! Makes sure that no one is listening. But thank you.  
  
Winters: You're not supposed to say "Makes sure that no one is listening," you just do it.  
  
Jareth: But, it's in the script!  
  
Legolas: It's in parenthesis. That means you don't say it, you just act it out.  
  
Jareth: Oh. My fault.  
  
Pagoda: Try showing up for rehersals.  
  
Jareth: Sorry.  
  
Mei Xing: Argh, I can't work with you people! (storms off)  
  
Author: No, wait! We need you! You're the star! (sound of a door slamming shut) Damn! Well, I guess we can end the fic there. Please review, and I'm sure we can get the next chapter up soon. Uh, Ja Ne! 


	11. Bored So Bored

Disclaimer: Oh, why do you people even bother to read me? I'm just sitting here, saying the same things every frickin' chappie, telling you that I don't own anything, and I'm not making money off this and please don't sue me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..  
  
Yami: Hey! HEY! How come I disappeared last chapter?! What was the author planning to do with me, huh? I was supposed to be the fluffy-ness! I was supposed to be an antagonist! I was supposed to have LINES!!!  
  
Sessomaru: I know! I went through all the trouble to run around and be annoying and obnoxious, and what do I get? I get shoved back into the Inu- Yasha fics, that's what I get!  
  
Yami: I didn't even get shoved back into the Yu-Gi-Oh! Fics! I had to sit there and watch people ignore me! What's up with that?!  
  
(A giant meteorite falls out of the sky and crushes Yami. Sessomaru, bored, wanders off to find a random goblin to abuse.)  
  
Jareth: What the hell was that? Can we get back to the story? Let's get back to me now, me, the protagonist, I'm wasting away here, and no one is paying any attention to me!  
  
Winters: It's a wonder you're still talking, no one marks you.  
  
(Sarah wanders up out of the blue)  
  
Sarah: Jareth! You didn't eat Mei Xing! I had to pay a whole $20000 for her funeral you big overdressed peacock! I had to explain to the family! And the judge! And the friends! And then I had to go out and-  
  
Voiceover: Behold the wooly beaver. He is plump and round. The sound of a nearby chain saw startles the beaver. Then the beaver becomes aroused. Plodding cheerfully along, the beaver...oh my...  
  
Sarah: Until you can't even feel it anymore! What do you have to say for yourself?  
  
Jareth: Chicken salad?  
  
Sarah: Honestly. Men. Oy. (Starts to walk away)  
  
Mei Xing: Hey! Wait! Wait a minute, Baby-sitter Girl!  
  
Sarah: Don't call me Baby-sitter Girl!  
  
Mei Xing: Don't forget your cup of Joe! (dumps the special, new, super-cool Joe-in-a-cup on top of her)  
  
Sarah: Eek! It's the special, new, super-cool Joe-in-a-cup on top of me!  
  
Joe-in-a-cup: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Wlcum to th nd o th wrld!  
  
Legolas: Oh no! We have been transported to minimum vowel world!  
  
Jareth: Hlp! Ths sux!  
  
Winters: I cn't us vwls! Hlp me!  
  
Pagoda: Pgd!  
  
Mei Xing: Kwls! I rck! Lk, ma! No vwls! Lmst.  
  
Legolas: I don't like this world. None of you guys can use vowels, and pretty soon you're going to want to stop talking, and then I'll have to say everything, and I hate talking to myself, even if I do do it all the time.  
  
Joe-in-a-cup: No! Hlp! 2 mny vwls! Wr dyng! Hlp!  
  
(Joe-in-a-cup ends up dying for no apparent reason, and everyone goes back to normal space.)  
  
Mei Xing: You know what, Jareth? I think we should break up.  
  
Jareth: (shocked) WHAT?!?!  
  
Winters: Heh. Listen to his voice get all high and squeeky!  
  
Mei Xing: I's just kidding! I love ya, sexy!  
  
Jareth: Stop calling me sexy!  
  
Goh: Chicken in a Basket.  
  
Sarah: Wait, look at this!  
  
Legolas: What?  
  
Sarah: The script is blank!  
  
Jareth: We slipped you a blank script so that you would learn your lines.  
  
Pagoda: Pagoda.  
  
Jareth: So what!?  
  
Sarah: Does this story even go anywhere?  
  
Sessomaru: It goes to...your death! Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!  
  
(Winters kills Sarah with a lolliepop.)  
  
Sessomaru: I was supposed to do that!  
  
Winters: Oh, well.  
  
Mei Xing: Damn, this just goes on and on.  
  
Pagoda: Pagoda.  
  
Jareth: Shut up!  
  
Legolas: Merry Christmas.  
  
Author: The end. 


End file.
